It Is Not Yet Ten O'Clock...

...and I've already written one story and started another. The one I've finished is called The Russian (A Nightmare) and it's horrible. I won't post it here because it's horrible. The second one is nicer, though not yet finished. I think it's going to be called 'Fe'.

I now have a cup of tea and a fresh pack of Digestives to bring the morning in with true style. I've just cleaned out the fridge as well.

Actually, being in the shop looking at the biscuits reminded me of an incident. There was one particular biscuit in fact. That biscuit was a 'bourbon.' I have been meaning to get this off my chest for quite some time.

Paul came to our house to do a write up on Time Travel Opportunists for a new zine that's coming out in Derby. He e-mailed ahead, like a true millennium gent, with the promise of a nice packet of bourbons as a gift.

I heard the knock and opened the door. I was the first to look upon the travesty that was Paul Hammond holding Londis own-brand Bourbons. The latter part was where the travesty began, but it leaked all over Paul. I had a mixture of feelings. Pity, hurt, distress, disappointment.

He knows about it now. We were honest. You could see it on people's faces after the first bite. The disappointment, the hurt, the despair. Emma didn't have one because Londis own-brand poor-bons aren't vegan. I didn't have one because I've had them before. I knew what was coming. A dry and tasteless, custard cream shaped Bour-wrong.

Paul, if you're reading this, I like you. I honestly do.
I like doing number puzzles with you. I like the way you talk, and what you talk about.
I think you are funny as well.
If I was a lady, I might go so far as to say I might 'date' you.
But next time, and I think by now you know this, next time you're in Londis, walk past the own-brand bourbons, walk past the 'Best-In' bottom shelf four for a pound brown-custard-cream (that even has the adornments of that acceptable blond square of cream filled biscuit) 'long' pack. Walk past them, and walk to the door. Walk out of Londis and walk past our house. Walk past our house all the way to the Spar shop, where they have Bourbon sense. Buy their bourbons.
Vote with your feet Paul.
Vote Crawford's. Vote anything.
Then come back and I will make us all something to dunk them in.